i want to go out.. experience life.

i'm in one of those moments again. the self-depreciating, self-degrading moment. i wanna get out. get out of this life. get out. start afresh somewhere. once again. i wish i can turn back time. i wish i hadn't stepped into this school, meet the people in the school, teachers and principal.. i wish my life will be better.

it's an indescribable feeling.
i'm feeling.. like a prisoner wishing he could turn back time.

If there's one thing i'm screwing up, it's my life.

Blackbird
The Beatles

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise



all time favourite. =)
and i can play it too.

CRAMPS!!! i need to rest. =)

shopping list

1) roxy slippers
2) white skirt from hollister
3) white pointy (flats)
4) bright pink pointy (heels)
5) bright pink top
6) new tote bag (beige, pink, white, black)
7) accessorize hair accessories
8) pants
9) shaver
10) things from ikea (too much to write down)
11) beatles cd for baby

alrite.. haha ok finally done with all my tuitions.. now that i've more free time, i can go shopping more often, study much more, meet up with yiting, ys, liting, wen yen, louisa, kieng and many many more. =) yipee.. but i need the moneY!!! blehahH!!

what's the point of continuing a relationship when there's no trust and all you have is insecurities.
thanks for the tears.
i haven't cried like that in a long time.

it's been more than a month since i've last blogged. a long long long time.. really. what have been up for the past month? endless school..tutorials..tuition.. everything and everyone seems to be driving me up the wall.. i just feel like that.. feel like i'm screwing up my life. right now.. let me elaborate..

sch
it sucks.. i've never ending tutorials, never ending lessons, never ending tests, never ending naggings.. my classmates.. some of them suck big time.. especially when they've their bloody mood swings.. i know everyone's entitled to kick up a fuss once in a while, but not everyday!! it's freaking irritating and spoils everyone else's mood.. thank god i've learnt how to ignore everything.. or rather her when she starts kicking. can't catch up with work.. honestly can't.. my math sucks.. now it seems like my geog is falling too. these days.. i've been wondering what's happening to me.

vanessa tuition
i'm sooooooo tired with vanessa.. so tired travelling to her house.. so tired having to spend at least 2 hours everytime there.. so tired having to teach the same thing over and over again.. so tired of putting up with your excuses..
but you're adorable and likeable.. i can't hate you..
i need the money..

baby
poor don.. he has to put up with my PMS, my own mood swings, my frustrations, my everything. especially so when the weather is hot.. i'll steam.. but baby's been kind and wonderful.. this sat's 7th month.. magic 7.. i wonder what will happen after that... kinda hope we'll last.. but he will be going overseas to study after NS. i don't really think i can take the long distance.. i don't think my mom will even let me go australia with him.. love him lots though. thank God for him.

sigh.. talking about my mom.. she's irritating the hell outta me. she seems so afraid when don's mother gives me things.. gives me rides home.. makes sure that she don't send me home.. say today.. i was on my way back frm tuition, called don.. he was on his way to some place near me.. so his mom said she can send me home.. so i took the ride.. then when i got home, my mom started giving me this bloody long lecture about i really like gettin driven home and stuff.. sigh.. i think i'm gonna dislike her.. she sucks. can't stand it. i can't even go on holiday with don at the end of yr!! i hate it. i wanna go but i can't cuz my mom doesn't allow. fuck. can't stand it. and on tuesday night, she didn't allow me to have dinner at don's place... wtf. it's only a dinner. she said i'm inconveniencing others. freak.. can't stand it.. i'm totally upset by her.. what's wrong with everything?? she's pushing me to my limits. she sucks. really sucks. even though she's the one who borne me.. i really can't stand what she's putting me through. fuck. what does she want??????? aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i was rich, i wish i can just fly out of this house.. move to somewhere else.. move to a new place where i can really be myself.. get away with this life.

i hate this life of mine.
it sucks big time.
freak.
help.

ok exams are over... mct was horrifying and it really taught me a good lesson.. now i've so many things to do.. i jus wanna do everything that i like!

things to do
+shopping (list will be out soon)
+lose weight
+exercise.. maybe get a tan again?
+clear desk
+meet up with everyone asap before the madness starts again
+drive better
+read The Wedding
+read more books
+start to prepare for SATs
+look for new tuition assignments
+sleep more
+drink more water
+learn the guitar
+manicure and pedicure
+be more organised
+start saving for kuantan trip
+change a new blog skin?
+and everything else that need to be done

easy tonight
five for fighting

You were wrong You were right
YYou were wrong
You were right
You are gone
Tonight
You were free
So alive
You were wrong
You were right

You were down
You could see
You wore hearts
for me
You were sharp
Sharp as knives
You were wrong
You were right

Shot down: said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance
Could have sworn there was somebody home
To facilitate the great unknown
Woman, I ain't going to meet you anywhere
Don't know where I'm going yet:
But I sure am getting there
Shotgun fire: anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright: It's not easy tonight

You were bound
You were free
You wear black
for me
You were dark
Dark as night
You were wrong
You were right

Shot down: said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance
Could have sworn there was somebody home
To facilitate the great unknown
But woman, I ain't going to meet you anywhere
Don't know where I'm going yet:But I sure am getting there

Shotgun fire: anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright: It's not easy tonight

She's In. Over my head:and it's not easy it's not easy tonight

Shotgun fire: anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright: It's not easy tonight

You were free:Now your not:You were free

and everyone's dying..
lynn's grandad just passed away on friday..
douglas' dad passed away..i think yesterday..
dale's good frisbee mate died in his arms while playing frisbee..

you gotta agree.. life's fragile. you gotta do what you gotta do..
suicide.. all of a sudden, seem too surreal.

i want a big change... a big change... a change of life. life is too short to care about consequences. just one life. gotta live it.

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