i think leo made me think of everything last night. again.
i just can't decipher what's he's thinking. really. i need to know.. i need to understand.

what love really is?

i think i know now.
love is not about you.
love has never been about you.
love has never revolved around you.
you're in your own world, and i, in my own.
two worlds won't clash and will never dare
we flew out of our own worlds just to taste the universe.
when the excitement is gone,
the reality thrones,
we realised our game is over
and we shouldn't be getting hangovers.
we are back in our own separate world,
where things are more reliable.
you're in your world of booze,
i'm in my world of blues.
we'll never see eye to eye like we did before,
neither will we be together anymore.
but no matter how i fix,
my heart will never be complete,
cuz you've a piece of it
and you don't need it.
today as i write about thee,
i say my plea,
friends forever we'll be,
nothing more, nothing less.

i couldn't sleep last night. 2am and counting and i was still tossing around in bed. a thousand and one things ran through my mind. my ultimate education fantasy sets in again. as usual. i was in states. studying law or journalism or psychology or perhaps geography in some university in california, north carolina or maybe los angeles(that will be pretty dangerous, with the frequent movement of plates..bleah). i was thinking about the hostels, or maybe i'll just get a small apartment in some ghettos. hahaha.. and i'll have my own room, my own housE! everything will be pink, purple.. fur.. with a touch of glitz. that's how i love it.
i'll be mixing with people from all races, going for parties, clubbing, studying, working, wearing a pair specs, haha everything and all.

but reality sets in. where am i going to get the money?
are my grades good enough to get a scholarship from the school?
will my parents and relatives allow?
who's gonna sponsor me for all my living expenses?
NO everything will be a big NO.

as i said, it's my ultimate education fantasy.
but.. i never imagined myself to be in NUS,NTU,SMU or even SIM

Father in heaven

For mother-love and father-care,
For brothers strong and sisters fair,
For love at home and here each day,
For guidance lest we go astray,
Father in Heaven, we thank Thee.

For flowers that bloom about our feet,
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet,
For song of bird and hum of bee,
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in Heaven, we thank Thee.

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter through each night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For ev'rything Thy goodness sends,
Father in Heaven, we thank Thee.

i'm screwed
last art lesson will be on the 2nd.. it's the day my promos start, and when the next day is gp. thank god it's only gp. but still.. it's promos! yikes. i've to go art. but it's really wrong timing.

i'm still sick. woke up with a bad fever. continued my agriculture.. i really hate EU and those farmers. aarrgghh. someone help me please.

ok gonna meet don soon, to get the something he's giving me. i wonder wut it can be.. i'll come back tonight and tell it all! =)

oh that reminds me of ys, she said she's something for me before promos toO> haha maybe one day next week we go have lunch or something then she can pass me her something. haha

listening to: the beatles - here, there and everywhere

sick

i'm nothing but sick....................................
the whole week hadn't been productive. i need to get well and get up and start working!!!!

listening to: three leaf clover

it's exam period and i went to watch 'turn left turn right'
hahaa.. hilarious show. but soooooo sweeeet. of cuz it is, when my darling lovegod is in the show!!!

i've fallen ill. need to see a doc real soon and get cured before i start getting goo goo.. revision is in a mess. i've never seen anything tt bad before.


listening to: don- easy tonight

i'm sick
i'm ill.
i'm dead sick

but
love is in the air once again. =)
everyone makes me feel so loved.
i'm blessed. with all the people in my life.

i'm gonna start MAJOR MUGGING!!
goodbye to the computer and horoscopes and all my darlings for at least 1 week??
i'm still in the mood to cry.. but i'll cher up and stay brave.

God loves me tOo muCh to let me suffer from something like this. =)
i love God toO. He'll get me through all this. i'VE faith in Him.

really feel like crying now..
everything seems so screwed up suddenly
i need some support.
real support
from you..
only you

Distant

Too cold to speak, too warm to look,
you keep your distance from me.
A song has played so many nights
from a hallow stars mournful call
that reminds me of your face and body,
your voice, your thoughts, your love.
Too dark to walk, too light to meet,
you keep your distance from me.
If differences and disagreements
might tarnish what we have just say it,
but if it isn't that you're afraid
to loose and understanding then tell me now
before I lean too far and fall.
Too far to yell, too close to whisper,
you keep your distance from me.
A memory from a dream that last night
came to me kept my mind in rhythm
to your hearts unsteady beat.
Speak what you want to,
tell me abou this one and that,
keep my secrets in your hands,
but let go now for the pain
you put me through is not fair.
I care too much about you,
I want you to laugh, to smile,
to be happy all the time.
Too cold to speak, too warm to look,
you've kept your distance from me.



*i don't know how many times i need to say this, but i really wish you can give me the attention you did 3 years back. but... it's 3 yrs back. everything's gone i guess. if everything's really gone and over, please let me get you out of my mind.

haven't blogged in days. tingky said it's poserish to have a blog. only attention seeking cheaps blog. ok.. wutever. haha i just want to keep an update on my own life just in case i forget?? hahahaa...
wed, thurs and fri was pretty fine n sweet.

here i go:

Wednesday
+tuition at vanessa's
+nothing much happened actually
+ate tons of prunes though. hahaha
+tingky said i was jealouS of celine! I'M NOT!

Thursday
+school was boring
+went home and finally studied granites *lol
+art was great.. we did landscape drawing and impressionism! fantastic art lesson though my hand was aching and my landscape turned out to look like a kid's drawing. *gROwL*
+after art, took a bus from a wrong direction and ended up at HARBOUR FRONT!
+was crossing the bridge and entering the mrt station when i see some really hot guys. va va voOM! we were practically staring at each other. hahaha
+walked to Harbour Front mrt station and got myself comfortably sitted and got myself home at 11.45pm sharp!

Friday
+went to school and took early leave (reason: headache)
+actually i just wanted to leave early. didn't want to stay for pw yea
+was deciding between sakae sushi buffet and meeting don
+chose the latter cuz my tummy hasn't been feeling tt well and a buffet will kill it.
+it was interesting to see don after an absence of 3 years?
+we both have aged. i think. ok maybe only me
+sweeeeeeet don treated me to coffeE and bought guitar strings for me!! how wonderful!! i think that must have cost him a bit. *guilty..
+did a lil of studying with him cuz we were staring at the birds and the clear blue blue sky
+he went off, i went cc to study before tuition
+at the busstop, i thought i saw JP, but i hoped i did not. the person walked away.
+tuition at derek was fine at first. fun and all. until he started to give me a stupid face when i asked him to do corrections. can't figure out the boy's mind
+stayed at his hse until 11.30pm cuz was talking to the mom and playing with cuuteeeeeee kelvin. =) MRs wong was soooooo generous. always giving me cab fare on friday nite. and fooD!!

ok that's about it.
now, i'm contemplating if i should go cc.. looks like it's gonna rain. yup. but i guess i'll go. i need serious studying! i'm sooooooo tired. need to sleep early at nite.
Hurrican Isabel seemed to have killed many people. a very geog day.

i love reading geog, not studying for it
i like math, but the part when u try and try and not get the answer
i hate econ, and the turmoil studying for it. hahah

what the hell am i doing at home when it's school time? haha.. i'm just too lazy to go for PE.. uurrgghh. today is gonna be a looonnng day. ending only at wut? 5.30 including make up pe. believe this. and i've tuition @ dereks.. wonder what time i'll end today. oh no! and there's a human urban changes test. what is there to test on com on.

been having dizzy spells lately.

i miss waking up late. it's only the second day of school.

major urgh.

Je ne veux pas travailler
-pink martini

Ma chambre a la forme d'une cage
Le soleil passe son bras par la fenêtre
Les chasseurs à ma porte
Comme des petits soldats
Qui veulent me prendre

{Refrain:}
Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement oublier
Et puis je fume

Déjà j'ai connu le parfum de l'amour
Un millions de roses
N'embaumeraient pas autant
Maintenant une seule fleur
Dans mes entourages
Me rend malade

{au Refrain}

Je ne suis pas fière de ça
Vie qui veut me tuer
C'est magnifique
Etre sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais

{au Refrain}

Je ne suis pas fière de ça
Vie qui veut me tuer
C'est magnifique
Etre sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais

{au Refrain}

i loveeeeeeeeeee this song!!

holidays are coming to an enD!!!!!!!!!!!
and the only things i've done is go out, play, tuition tuition tuition!!

an overall update on my holidayS! like anyone's interested! hahahaa but wutever

Monday
+tuition @ vanessa's
+shopping with brian
+dinner @ crystal jade
+drinks and cakes @ coffee club

Tuesday
+sailing lunch @ swensens

Wednesday
+studying @ mpcc with liting
+pirates of caribbean with nick

Thursday
+tuition @ vanessa's
+art lesson @ lasalle

Friday
+studying @ tingky's clubhouse
+lunch @ cartel with him and jon leong
+swimming @ his condo pool

Saturday
+meet leo for a short while
+did my gp essay (copied more like it)

Sunday
+started to mug
+studying @ mpcc alone

thats bout it folk. nothing much but i enjoyed it.

not a very good day afterall

leonard,
thanks for everything you have done
thanks for everything you have not
thanks for all the ups
thanks for all the downs
thanks for everything you have been
thanks for everything you have not been

bye

living in a world of fools
i suddenly feel like one too

PROMOS IN FREAKING TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEKKSSS!!!


AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


I NEED A BREAK FROM SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gonna need my emergency study plan. haha

exercising!

i FINALLY exercised!! haha.. laughters'.. thanks to tingky!! went over to his club house and did integration.. finally grasp some fine points. his clubhouse is really nice and all. air conditioned, carpeted floor, nice sofa and the list goes on. haha.. always enjoyed tingky's company. best pals forever manz. after like 2 1/2 hrs of intensive integration.. we went to cartel for lunch! with jon leong(tingky's best male friend).. haha.. ok he's actually quite hot. yar wutever. hahah.. had dory fish!! hahahaaaa.. reminds me so much bout finding nemo and i love the show! mine mine mine mine mine mine mine

right after that, went back to his condo and decided to flash my fats and swim! was really shy bout it at first cuz i was wearing the mambo bikini. yea. but finally decided to start exercising! ok but ended up slacking in the pool for like 1/2 hr before really swimming. swam only 7 laps.. haha how pathetic. i really need to exercise and tone!!! yea TONE! jon leong was telling me ways for toning and stuff. good tipS! *lol.

after swimming, went home and here i'm now. haha.. yawn. i have tuition later!! uurrgghh!! i want to sleeeeeeep. so sleepy and tired. Mom's not cooking. everyone went for sis's convo.. cept me. oh well. i'm not on tt good terms now anyway. i'm having dinner myself. i think i'll just skip it or maybe a cup of yoghut will do. the jon-leong way.

i feeeeel like changing my blog layout
ok ok maye after promos.

heard yest party at zouk was a blast! darn it. i should have gone.
all thanks to darling nick. stupid ass.

pirates of caribbean

i loveeee johhny depp!!! his acting was fantabulous! hahaha.. love it to the max. yeaaa... pirates of caribbean is gooD! great show. oleando bloom rawks! haahaa

wished i've gone to zouK!!! AARRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! so many people are there! damn.

listening to this song right now.. wedding bell blues
favourite song when i was studying for sec 4 prelims?? hahah with leo tt time.make me wanna marry!!

*love is in the air


Bill
I love you so
I always will
I look at you and see
the passion eyes of May
Oh but am I ever gonna see
my wedding day?
Oh I was on your side Bill
when you were losin'
I'd never scheme or lie Bill
There's been no foolin'
but kisses and love won't carry me
till you marry me Bill
Bill
I love you so
I always will
and in your voice I hear
a choir of carousels
Oh but am I ever gonna hear
my wedding bells?
I was the one came runnin'
when you were lonely
I haven't lived one day
not loving you only
but kisses and love won't carry me
till you marry me Bill
Bill
I love you so
I always will
and though devotion rules my heart
I take no bows
Oh but Bill you know
I wanna take my wedding vows
Come on Bill
Come on Bill
I got the wedding bell blues

Sailing reunion lunch rawkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkksssssssssss!!!! everyone had soooooooo much fun! of cuz taking photos and aLL! i've never gone out with such a BIG group of girls ever since tkg times. really miss it!! hahaa waiting for val to uPload her pictures on her bLog. tt will probabLy take YEARS!! yes YEARS!! i miss sailingg.... ok not really sailing but TKGS sailing. =)

today's a cold day. i'm shivering

yesterday

woke up at 7am to go school.. for econs make up tutorial.. and we finally got our examination timetable. econs will be 3 days after math. so that leaves me ample time to study for econs.. i hope. but that means i have to study geog first! but there's so many chapters. haha.. oh well. shit and i've not got down to any real studying this week! *guilty guilty.

after econs tut, went home.. changed and then went for tuition! lil vanessa couldn't understand a single sum of fractions! and i don't think i made it easier for her either!! goodness. *=P

met up with brian after that. his cigarettes were really cool. black and and have choco taste. ok that's what he claims. i didn't try it i swear. we were supposed to do some studying but i managed to talk him outta it. haaa.. we went to eat at crystal jade at ngee ann city.. after that we went to paragon! newly opened paragon!! nice nice nice! all the branded shops are located there, all the high end boutiques are there! i want to work at givenchy or prada or sisley next time. and i'll get a FAT commission for every clothing i've sold. hahaa.. dream on. quiksilver was reallly nice!! fantastiC! even nicer than the ones at pacific plaza. all the new and pretty clothes! yeaH! =) brian got a shirt and a sweater from quiksilver. rich bastard. hahaa

we headed to coffee club next and chilled there for an hr before walking down to heeren to window shop a lil more. yea. what a fruitful day!

met claudia up after that at the airport! needed to get the money from her.. so that i'll get a fat commission toO! yummy! had such a nice time with her.. hope her prelims are good! yeaa


now
woke up at around 10.. supposed to be earlier. so that i can study... gonna go out soon. today's tkgs sailing reunion lunch day! yay! we are gonna have pizza! yummy yummy. i hope today will be good!

oh i found out something really bad bout my hair. my residing hairline is at its WORST!! HELP PPLE!!

-desperate to:-
lose weight
get some hair
get everything on my wishlist!!

Do You Know?

Dancing to house for 1 hour can burn up to 420 calories? That's equivalent to doing 20 mintues of circuit training!
Dancing makes you hot and feel sexy. It's also proven to boost your confidence so you feel more attractive!

clubbing is good. for losing weight!

wishlistupdated

+Xodus purple glitterish stone slippers
+Roxy red tshirt
+New denim skirt. preferably longer than my usuals, and in washout colours
+Nike Backpack
+Nike sports bra
+running shoes
+Calorie information book

pug jelly rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love their gig!! masashi is cutest to the max and beyond. totally love him to the max. oh besides takeshi kaneshiro. heeeee


FINALLY

Finally went to town after like 2 hell monthS????!!!! the feeling is like a caged lion being set free after years. oh god i lovvvveeeeee shopping. there's just so many things i want to buy!! but today was good enough.. went to surfbabe at wisma and got a pair or rip curl boardshorts! white and short! =) walked around, looking for a top..went to flash n splash at heeren and was choosing betw. a white and red top. both look fantastiC! but finally settled on a white roxy top. cuz it's cheaper?? but i'll go get the red one very soON! haha i'm in the beach mood now! but no tanning for me just as yet.. haa. intending to swim everyday. but in the VERY late afternoon. ha! oh bought a new hairband toO! purple glitterisH! niceee... saw a pair of xodus slippers. didn't get it.. it was 59.90. shall wait for next pay and commission and then i'll see if it's still there! in a shoppalicious mood now. hahaa

oh i got a haircut toO!!! just trimming but at least it's much neater now!! yay!

eating mooncakes now.. this one is yam flavour. snow skin. i love ONLY snow skin mooncake. throw me something tt's brown and i'll throw it back. what a brat. haha but wutever. hell. hahaha

yiting: ur sis is soooooooooooooooooo nice!! bought ritz mooncakes and all. i want to eat them toO!!!

i need to get down to studying real soon. like say tmr. but i've econ tutorial in the morning and tuition in the afternoon! promos' in three weeks and i've barely started. i must really start studying soon. wouldn't wnat it to be like last yr, gettin all Fs.. bleahs. luther has chosen to retain. stupid idiot i'll miss you. u're a really nice guy.


gonna drink some water and check my food calorie content today.
my target is not more than 1200 cal a day!

The Moffats - Miss You Like Crazy

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

fortune telling

just came back frm tuition, derek's mom did a small fortune telling for me. she said i was
-naive
-very kind hearted
-won't have much money
-will two-time in my next relationship
-have 4 people courting
-will NOT marry a Singaporean in future
-may have two marriages
-only one child or none.(SIGH)
-lazy


i want kids, i want money, i want only one marriage, i want to marry the one i truly love

fucked up totally

today was such a lousy and bad day i swear. i'm just gonna list down why the stupid things which brought me to the lowest low today.

+woke up at 6.35. feeling tired.
+didn't go sch, read 'SOLD' and feel so sorry for the sisters
+went back to sleep
+woke up only at 10.30
+slacked till 12
+from 12 to 4, i only studied trigo functions and trigo identities. that's a freaking hell 4 hours. 4 looong stupid hours. spent and wasted on trigo
+major braindrain
+thought art would be better
+totally wrong
+couldn't even draw the objects upclose, not even shading
+totally screwed up
+wanted to talk to leo
+called him and said he'll call back
+yes he did, but i didn't pick up cuz was talking to liting
+in the end, he left a message saying he's going to bed
+aarrgghh
+took bus 14
+the ride was cold and unbearable
+stopped at evergreen busstop and went to mobile to get food to eat
+really didn't feel like going home
+walked along the roads like a mad woman
+finally stopped and took a cab home
+realised i've pw to do
+reached home and saw sis using comp
+darn pissed off. why the hell is she always using the comp?!! i need to use it damn badly to type my pw

ok pw done. talked to pple i want to. kinda except leo. sigh. i hope tmr won't be a bad day. but i know it'll be. there's pw. fuck.

i just saw fuyo on tv.. haa
oh well but i didn't see him.
somehow, i wished he will come up and tell me everything that had happened.
sigh
but i'm a total misfit in his life.

lion road

HaPpY BiRtHdAy MoMMy!!

today's mommy's birthday. went outside to eatt... not bad the food i must say. haha.. oh well. didn't get her any present.. haha.. totally broke..

yawn, had two sessions of tuition today. hope i can get my stuff done.. like math n geog n econ.. ok that's like everythinG!! hahaa oh weLL. yawn.

i wanna get my guitar fixed soon! so that i can be as good as doN! hahahaa watcH out dOnoVan siA! hahaha

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